i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
