he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She said her name was "party"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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