I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This baby is an asshole
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
