whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
