I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
