On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
