All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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