You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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