you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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