Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
