There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize