Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
