i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize