it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
