my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
