the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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