I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
its liver damage thursday
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
