the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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