Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize