I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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