She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
