The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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