..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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