I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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