cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
