I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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