you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
handjob tips. give me some.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
