Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
