So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
