Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
