Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize