tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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