Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just googled if crying burns calories
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
