You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
