Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
