well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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