i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
