1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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