Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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