i need an iv and a liver transplant
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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