Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
