I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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