i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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