Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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