Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
