RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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