Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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