Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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