is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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