she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
