Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
