I heard we made out
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
