I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
