i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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