We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
