I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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