Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

don't go home with that guy from jersey

(626): View more from California

i know, not worth the blood test

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.

Fav 24 2680 923
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(416): View more from Ontario

i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .

Fav 17 3228 817
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?

Fav 30 7405 1217
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(303): View more from Colorado

As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....

Fav 1 1216 702
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver

(1-413): View more from Massachusetts

That's a hard toss up

Fav 2 633 694
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(705): View more from Ontario

I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.

Fav 10 1076 580
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(218): View more from Minnesota

my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink

Fav 4 631 841
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(817): View more from Texas

Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?

Fav 6 483 165
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