If i come over, it means nothing
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
