she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it because I queefed?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
