I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
