I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
