If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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