My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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