I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
