Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
