peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
