Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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