So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
