I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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