dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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