Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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