she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
