And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
