we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
