Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
