If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize