I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
