Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
