apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
